Ryan (schizoscribe) wrote in bible_rewritten,
Ryan
schizoscribe
bible_rewritten

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Leviticus 18:22 -- What if . . . ?

So, we're all too cool to actually believe it's a sin to be a girl and kiss girls or be a boy and kiss boys, right?

Yeah, but unfortunately the Bible isn't as cool as us:

" 'Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.' " --- Leviticus 18:22

That's what it really says (in the Teen NIV version).

But what if it said something different? Like, instead, it could say . . .

" 'Do not be an icky breeder; that is gross. And icky.' "

Now, obviously, I'm attempting to be half-way funny (maybe I'm weird, but I can't read, write, or hear the word "icky" without smirking at the very least), but I'm also serious. How weird would it be if the Bible condemned heterosexuality instead of homosexuality?

Just something to think about.

P.S. Here's something else to think about. The Teen NIV is "hip" because it features lots of . . . mini-sermons interspersed throughout (and it's got a cartoon mascot, but he's too scary to talk about). The one at the bottom of the page Leviticus 18:22 is on talks about how "alternative lifestyles" are "wrong". Basically, it just cites 18:22 and a few other verses from Leviticus, including the one warning against incest and the one warning against bestiality. 'Cos, you know, gay guys are all known for fucking their boyfriends, brothers, and dogs; lesbians are all known for fucking their girlfriends, aunts, and kittycats. And that's why same-sex marriage is still illegal in most of the world, 'cos if it was legalised it would only be another five seconds before it was also made legal to marry horses.
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